04: A Collection of Disparate Strangeness

Official Description: Carlos Rolando finds more than he bargained for during his meditations. Dan encounters a strange new friend. And the collection of Ms. Cassandra Wall is made available for viewing.

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[BRIEF BURST OF MUSIC—TWANGY GUITAR, THEN TAPE DISTORTION.]

[FUMBLING AND RUSTLING OF FABRIC AS DAN SIMULTANEOUSLY HANDLES CELL PHONE AND TAPE RECORDER.]

Okay, okay—we’re good! Hi Tanya. So.. you wanted to get a sense of what my day is like, and, well, here’s the video you asked for because Facetime is the worst, and it always craps out. And yes, if you’re wondering, it is awkward to shoot video and carry this recorder around. [CHUCKLES.] But you shouldn’t worry about it, even though I know you’re going to.

[FOOTSTEPS.] So this is the library. Where the magic happens, as they say on Cribs. [LAUGHS, THEN SIGHS.] Most of it is just tapes, tapes, and.. tapes. They’re only having me archive a handful, relatively—the shelves over there. But there is just an insane amount of audio here. And it’s all audio, no VHS, DVDs, books, or hard drives. Just tapes. I was bored a couple days ago, and I tried to calculate how many tapes there were here… I-I gave up! It’s all just so haphazard. There are a few columns that only have one tape, and then there are shelves that are just filled to the brim—whenever I roll them a dozen or so fall out of it. They should have a team of people doing this. Anyway.

[MORE FOOTSTEPS.] Over here is the Otari 5050, this is where I listen to and digitize the tapes. The Otari is actually a really interesting beast, but [SELF-DEPRECATING LAUGH] I’m guessing you probably wouldn’t like to hear about that. Audio nerd stuff. Moving on.

[FOOTSTEPS AGAIN.] It isn’t a big place, but it feels that way sometimes. [DISTANT FAN/MECHANICAL THING TURNING ON.] I don’t know, I guess I just get lonely. Some of the tapes are… difficult to listen to. I don’t think I’m supposed to talk about them.

[FOOTSTEPS. THE SOUND QUALITY OF THE ROOM SEEMS SMALLER NOW, MORE HOMEY.] And this is the… well, it’s the kitchen, living room, bedroom, and general hangout space. It’s basically a one-bedroom apartment—I mean, I’d be paying 2500 a month for this in Brooklyn, and since this isn’t Brooklyn, I don’t have to deal with a roommate playing 80’s-influenced synthpop at 3 in the morning, so it’s better than my old place. And if you’ll notice the simmering…

[LO AND BEHOLD, THERE IS SIMMERING.]

I am making dinner! With the crockpot you gave me! Beans with sliced peaches and barbeque sauce. It’s pretty good, surprisingly. And, um, oh yeah—thanks for the crockpot, by the way, I really like it. [FOOTSTEPS.] And if you’re wondering why I’m making beans and peaches, well… [PANTRY DOOR OPENING.] Yep, uh, peaches. Sooo many peaches. It’s all non-perishable goods, so lots of canned stuff, flour, stuff like that. They’re pretty much forcing me to be vegetarian. I don’t know why there are so many peaches though. Probably got a deal on them or something. But—yeah, I’ve been able to make do. What else, what else…

[FOOTSTEPS.] Here’s the bathroom, nice little shower, water pressure’s kind of inconsistent, but hey, if you, uh, wanna picture me naked, this is where it happens. Not that you need… [LAUGHS AWKWARDLY.] I’m sorry, uh. Uh, alright, moving on—

[FOOTSTEPS.] Yeah, so here’s my bed… I spend a lot of time reading, working on personal projects, sleeping, you know, the usual bed stuff. Um, I haven’t been able to take any hikes yet; they’ve got me really busy, and I want to archive my section as soon as possible. I guess I’ve got tunnel vision, or tunnel hearing, more accurately…

[SQUEAKING AND SCURRYING NOISES.]

Whoa, what was—what the—?

[SQUEAKING.]

A rat?! Seriously?! Okay, Tanya, I will go and deal with this; if I’ve sent the video it means I survived my fight with this stupid rat.

[CAMERA TURNING OFF.]

[SIGHS.] Okay, Ratty, now where the hell did you go…

[FOOTSTEPS.]

[MUTTERING TO HIMSELF.] You know what wasn’t in my contract? Rats. Goddamn rats! Better not have gotten into the pantry… [PANTRY DOOR OPENING.] Okay… not there. [PANTRY DOOR CLOSING, FOOTSTEPS.] Now where the hell…

[SQUEAKING.]

Ah! There you are—

[PLAINTIVE SQUEAKING.]

Alright, you can’t look at me like that.

[SQUEAKING.]

And don’t tilt your head! No! Shoo! Get out!

[SQUEAKING.]

Get out!

[SQUEAKING.]

Come on, go!

[SQUEAKING.]

..You’re not leaving, are you?

[SQUEAKING.]

I don’t think you’re cute, you realize that, right?

[SQUEAKING.]

Fine, I’m not going to kill you, but just—go away, ‘cause I have work to do!

[RATTY SQUEAKS ONE LAST TIME AND SCURRIES AWAY.]

[SIGHS. FOOTSTEPS.] Damnit. There should be some actual borders between archive 81 shit and the rest of the… whatever.

[FOOTSTEPS. TAPE BEING PUT IN TAPE PLAYER. THE TAPE BEGINS TO PLAY.]

[GENTLE, MEDITATION-ESQUE MUSIC PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND.]

Breathe in, and breathe out. Take the spirit of life, draw it into your bodies, and expel it from your lungs. We will be explorers today, but we will not be exploring the furthest reaches of our Patagonia, or darkness of the Antarctique, or the desert of the Sahará; instead, we will be exploring a place few searches have ever tread… the limits of our consciousness [MYSTICAL ECHO EFFECT]. I first walked the roads of inner destiny with a wise sage from the mountains of the Sierra Madre del Sur. His name was Father Juan-Diego, the Path-Taker, and he was from the innocent and beautiful Marroquin tribe. Father Juan-Diego, the Path-Taker, taught me many things in my apprenticeship, but the most important lesson he taught me was how to open my eyes [SAME ECHO EFFECT].

Now I have told you to close your eyes, and I ask you to keep them closed. What I am going to tell you now is to open your real eyes and see the world as it is, not a world of flesh and sorrow, but a world of spirit and truth. If you have prepared yourself by listening to the previous 14 tapes in the series, you will be able to do this. Now each person’s journey will seem different, but each journey will also be exactly the same. So I will describe my journey to you, and you will learn from my experience. For those who have not walked the path as long as I have, my radiant assistant Jennifer will be adding sounds to match my journeys.

I am recording my teachings in a studio, so I see the ghosts and spirit artifacts of all the music that was played here. It’s a wondrous sight. I can almost hear the bands myself. [LAUGHS CONDESCENDINGLY.] Now while I am still seated on my chair, my mind and soul are moving outwards. I am leaving the building, I am passing through the doors, [CHIME] they are nothing to me.

[AMBIENT OTHERWORLDLY OUTDOOR AMBIENCE. PROFOUNDLY CHEESY.] Now I am outside, in the courtyard. It is even more beautiful, more full of life than what fools call “the real world.” I see a bird. [BIRDCALLS.] Its feathers have so many colors; it looks like a toucan crossed with a rainbow trout. If you could only hear its song! Perhaps it will be my Spirit Guide on this journey? I approach it. Hello bird.

[WINGS FLAPPING, BIRDCALLS. PAUSE.]

The bird greets me in return but flies off. The bird is on its own journey and I must let him go. Now I am moving across the street.

[CONTINUED MUSIC, CITY STREET NOISES.]

The street is less… hospitable than the courtyard, but I keep walking; I am Carlos Rolando, a 9th level spirit master, [TAPE SUDDENLY DISTORTING] nothing can touch me here. I move towards a building, it seems tall, taller than a mountain. This must be where the path was leading me. I enter the front door.

[DOOR OPENS WITH A CLANK AND JINGLE. AMBIENT SOUNDS DIE DOWN.]

Speaking of spiritually realized buildings, here at the Potential Institute, we are trying to build a new facility in accordance with the laws of the spiritual and natural world. Your tax-deductible donations to this important project will truly… [SUDDEN CRACKLE OF STATIC, CARLOS’ PERSONA DROPS FOR A SECOND.] What the hell?! [BACK TO A FACADE OF THE MEDITATION VOICE.] Well, searchers, I am.. seeing a man with no face, he’s telling me.. [FACADE DISAPPEARS ENTIRELY.] Oh my god! What the fuck is that? What the goddamn fuck is that? Jennifer, turn the recording off, what is that—?

[TAPE DISTORTION, ROAR OF STATIC.] Oh my god!

[MORE STATIC AND AUDIO WARPING. THE TAPE ENDS.]

[EXASPERATED.] Well, that is… definitely not related to the Visser building.

[PAUSE.]

[SQUEAKING. HE CONTINUES DO SO WHILE DAN SPEAKS.]

What the—? I told you to leave! I mean, you’re cute, but leave! Seriously, I have no food for you!

[SQUEAKING.]

Damnit…. [PAUSE, BIG SIGH.] Okay, let’s.. hope this works. [RUSTLING NOISES.]

[SINGING TUNELESSLY TO HIMSELF.] Organizing tapes because people don’t know anything about archive management and singing to myself because it’s been weeks since I’ve— [CUTS HIMSELF OFF. LAUGH-SIGHS.] Okay..

[TAPE BEING PUT IN THE TAPE PLAYER.]

[TAPE BEGINS.]

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND.]

It is my great privilege to welcome you to the private collection of one Mrs. Cassandra Wall. As I am unfortunately unavailable to escort you through the exhibit, this tape should serve as a useful guide to the objects contained within. Simply examine the pieces in sequential order, and listen for the following explanation and context. You’ll be accompanied by a manservant to ensure your safety. Physical contact with the objects is discouraged. And finally, as I’m sure Ms. Wall’s staff has informed you, your utmost discretion with regards to the collection is greatly appreciated.

[ABRUPT TAPE CUT—THE RECORDING HAS BEEN SOMEHOW TAMPERED WITH. THERE IS NO MORE MUSIC.]

Object 304-A. A small glass jar with a cork stopgap, containing twenty millimeters of the substance colloquially known as “mummy brown”. Originally in the possession of noted Pre-Raphaelite artist Dante Gabriel Rossetti, the paint was recovered from the coffin of his wife, Elizabeth Siddal. Interestingly, though her grave was excavated in 1986, her body was remarkably well preserved, possibly due to the effects of the laudanum in her system.

[ANOTHER ABRUPT CUT.]

Object 248-D. A Victorian hand mirror, approximately 30 centimeters in length, recovered after a fire destroyed much of the Chentwith estate. The hand mirror exhibits the unique property of its reflection being... delayed by approximately eight milliseconds. The mirror has not undergone any impartial or scientific tests; thus, as of now, the reasons for the effect are unknown. The heirloom belongs to the Chentwith family. It goes without saying that they have been unsuccessful in their many efforts to recover it.

[ANOTHER CUT, THIS TIME WITH A HIGH WHINING NOISE.]

Object 309-B. A collection of 28 unused bridal veils placed in a clear glass cube. Each othe veils was collected from a virgin who passed away the night before their wedding.

[ANOTHER HARD CUT.]

Object 411-K. Walrus tusk carving of an unknown deity, found on the island of Chichagof in what is now the state of Alaska. Estimated date of creation: approximately 700 AD. The carving depicts what appears to be a humanoid woman with gills and scales. The Tlingit people of the island profess no knowledge of either the deity or the manner of its carving. There is a residual trace of blood on the head of the figure.

[STATICKY CUT.]

Object 155-J. A mixed media piece by Jillian Creek entitled “Sacred/Profane Geometry/Circles”. The artwork consists of approximately 80 detailed architectural blueprints of the Alfred P. Murrah federal building folded into an origami sculpture depicting the Battle of Little Bighorn. The piece was obtained in 1978.

[ABRUPT TAPE EDIT.]

[THERE IS A LOUDER-THAN-NORMAL RESIDUAL STATIC BUZZING AS THE DOCENT SPEAKS.] Object Unknown. We have been unable to catalogue this particular piece. Gazing upon it directly is.. difficult. The phrase “non-Euclidean” is called to mind. It might be advisable not to linger in this particular corner of the exhibit.

[SQUEALING TAPE CUT.]

Object 105-C. A live canary in a gold-wire cage. The canary, nicknamed Saint-Germain by the staff, has been in the collection for 38 years. Please do not feed the canary, as it appears to require neither food nor water. [AUDIO WARPING.] In all other respects, it seems to be an ordinary bird, though with an admittedly lovely song.

[ANOTHER TAPE EDIT, THIS TIME WITH GLITCHED-OUT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC.]

[ORCHESTRAL MUSIC RETURNS TO NORMAL.] This brings us to the conclusion of our tour. I know I speak for both Ms. Cassandra Wall and the staff when I say that we deeply appreciate your donation, in whatever form that takes.

[TAPE ENDS.]

[SIGHS.] Creepy. But unrelated to the creepy apartment.

[FOOTSTEPS, THEN EXASPERATED SIGH. RATTY SQUEAKS.] Seriously, Ratty? [SQUEAK.] You wanna follow me? Fine. I’m not gonna give you food. [DISMAYED SQUEAK.] I’m not going to kill you because that freaks me out, but I’m not going to give you food. [SQUEAK.] And you’ll go away once you realize that. Hopefully.

[SQUEAKING.]

Okay, don’t stand up on your hind legs, you’re a rat. You’re supposed to be gross. [ANOTHER EXASPERATED SIGH. PAUSE.] Wanna listen to a tape with me?

[SQUEAKS.]

Still not gonna give you food.

[QUIETER SQUEAK.]

[FOOTSTEPS, PAUSE.] Okay! I think I see where the dividing line is, now to make sure…

[TAPE BEING INSERTED.]

[AN UNSETTLING FOLK SONG PLAYS, "DRAWN TO THE WHEEL" BY LEO CRANDELL. IT’S A TWANGY STRING INSTRUMENT—GUITAR OR BANJO OR THE LIKE. A MAN BEGINS TO SING:]

I am drawn to the wheel, drawn to the sound of the evening bell

I am drawn to the wheel, drawn to the sound of the evening bell

I am drawn to the wheel, drawn to the sound of the evening bell...

[THE SONG BECOMES ECHOEY AND FADES OUT.]

[TAPE ENDS.]

[SIGHS.] Did you enjoy the song, Ratty?

[SQUEAKS.]

[SIGHS AGAIN.] Yeah, me too. [RUSTLING AS HE PUTS THE TAPES AWAY.] I think that’s enough tapes for today. What do you think, Ratty? [MORE RUSTLING.] You want some food?

[FERVENT SQUEAKING.]

C’mon. [SQUEAK. FOOTSTEPS, PAUSE.] I should probably get out more, go hiking, but I don’t know. It feels weird to leave. The tapes are— [SIGHS] they’re getting to me. I feel like this tiny cup left under a faucet, and the water just keeps coming, and I’m overflowing. I know the tapes are... weird, Ratty, I’m not stupid, but I don’t think—I don’t think I can leave until I know what’s happened. With the apartment, with Melody. There are a thousand different stories trapped in these tapes, but there’s only one I really need to hear. Does that sound cheesy? No pun intended. [LAUGHS TO HIMSELF.] Mark would have gotten a kick out of that.

So, I’m guessing you wouldn’t be into peaches.

[SQUEAKING.]

I’ll take that as a no. And you’re in luck—the crockpot will take a few more hours. [RUSTLING OF SEEDS IN BAG.] Here’s some chia seeds. You guys like seeds, right? Tanya gave them to me as a snack before I left. Which is—great gift, Tanya, right? [CROCKPOT KEEPS SIMMERING IN BACKGROUND. BRIEF PAUSE.] Wanna watch a movie? No Internet means no Netflix, but I brought a bunch of DVDs. We’ve got Aguirre, and—

[IPHONE BUZZING.]

Shit.

[IPHONE FINISHES BUZZING. HE DOESN’T ANSWER IT. PHONE CLICKS.]

You have one new message from—

Tanya Molova.

[PHONE CLICKS.]

Hey, Dan. So… I still haven’t gotten that video, the one you said you’d make, uh. I want to know more about what you get up to! The archive seems so depressing. [BEAT.] Uh, I hope you’re taking care of yourself. Exercising, at the very least, and eating right. Um... I saw this really terrible band at a bar the other day, they were, like, synths mixed with performance art. It was so weird. Uh, but they made me think of you. You’d have liked to have hated them. I miss you. Anyway, I’ve been reading a lot about—

[HANGS UP, CLICKS.]

Message erased. End of messages.

[PHONE CLICKS.]

[DAN LAUGHS. IT IS QUIET, HOARSE, AND A LITTLE CRAZED.]

[PAUSE.]

[DEEP BREATH.] Hey guys. Um, so… nothing new to—to tell you. There’s still a lot of audio to go through, um. I’m trying to bring you the most… relevant portions of it. But if you know anything about—anything, please, email me at archive81@gmail.com and if you don’t… if you could get the word out there, just, please. Leave a review on iTunes; tell your friends; follow us on Twitter @archive81; we’re on Facebook; we’ve got a website (archive81.com). Just… tell me what you think happened to Dan. Get the word out there, please. Okay. Thank you.

[END OF EPISODE FOUR.]

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